So it's been a few weeks since my past post. Generally things have been the same lately. My anxiety has been very high and I've had trouble getting to meetings due to my anxiety. I recently saw my therapist as well as my psychiatrist. My meds have been adjusted to help with the anxiety and I'm now starting to work on changing my thought patterns which is definitely NOT easy when you are basically addicted to fear and anxiety after living in them for so long. It also appears that on some level my body and mind are creating more fear and intense anxiety the closer I get to a breakthrough with my recovery and self discovery.
For now I guess I need to keep pushing myself through this with the knowledge that I am still much better than I was and have made progress. I was told that it should be easier to manage the fear and anxiety when I finally push my way past this breakthrough. If I can keep that in mind, I think that would help with motivation. It is still hell a lot of the time with anxiety and fear, but I am still clean and sober which is definitely a miracle.
Mom also went in for surgery today to repair a hole in her heart. I was really worried about it. Dad kept me posted and the surgery went very well. They are just keeping her overnight in the hospital for observation then will do a few more tests and an ultrasound tomorrow before letting her come home. I talked to her this afternoon and she sounded really good. I was VERY relieved to hear that it went well. The hole turned out to be bigger than they thought and if they hadn't found it, she could have had a VERY severe stroke at any time. Needless to say we are all thrilled that the surgery looks like a success.
I haven't done any new graphics yet. With new things to think about from my therapist, maybe I'll start to get some inspiration for a new one to work on. I've been giving it some though but haven't gotten anything yet. I'll keep thinking about it and see what comes up.
Hey Christian. I'm glad your mom is doing good.
ReplyDeleteyou know- I was thinking about you the other day..I don't know if you know this about me, but, I struggle with horrible anxiety and some depression as well.. I always feel better when I get some excersize, or find a hobby that makes me happy, like photography, or BLOGGING. haha..
I wonder how you would feel if you picked up running, or walking or hiking or some sort of outdoor sunny activity? Just a thought. Always helps me. :) vitamin D never hurts! xo
That's an idea. Well, I do a bit of walking every day since I take bus and trax everywhere. :) I've been doing all the watering and planting in the garden for mom which gives me a bit of exercise and is nice to see results every day.
ReplyDeleteI want to start doing more graphic design.. I just need to get some ideas for new stuff. I'd love to start doing some photography.. Wish I had a better camera though and ideas of what to take photos of. lol.