I'm wary about delving into it a bit but it definitely needs to be done. I'm tired of living life through fear and anxiety. One of the things that has come up during the bit of reading I've done so far in The Four Agreements is that I've never given myself permission to actually love myself. That came as a surprise to me that I'm now in the position of telling myself that it's ok to love myself. I'm starting a group therapy that will hopefully help me in my recovery along with my therapy. It's hard not having insurance that will pay for psychiatric care but it is definitely needed so I know I need to work it out.
I go in for my assessment toward the end of next month through some interim groups. The assessment will determine what kind of therapy they think best suits me as far as drug/alcohol addictions. It's a while to wait for it but I'm glad that it is an option for me right now.
I'm trying to get motivated more with graphics now that aren't as negative or emotionally painful and came up with one that I am pleased with. It's more of just a surreal graphic that is inspired by Totem Animals and their power.
Will see what else comes up for inspiration on more graphics and how the therapy goes.
I am glad to hear you're doing Better. I understand what you said about not ever loving yourself- or giving yourself permission to do so. I am very much the same way, and it has been the main reason I have been so self-destructive. Only once in my life have I actually loved myself, and that was an intense time not too long ago where I discovered that I could make someone else happy. He's gone now unfortunately, but I want that feeling back, and hope he comes back soon. It's a good feeling, and if you can give yourself permission to love who you are, then it is well worth any struggle it takes to get there.
ReplyDeleteAlso, on another note. I really like the photos such as the one above. I consider myself gender-queer and really enjoy any photograph which expresses both the masculinity and femininity of the subject. I wish I hadn't cut off my hair. It was as long as yours. I loved being androgynous. :)
I hope things continue to go well for you, and wish you the best of luck.