Night before

Well, today started off pretty crappy. Mom had me take a photo of the logo of the charity she started so I could text it to the guy that does the embroidering of it on bags and such. She woke me up early before she left for work to remind me to text it to him. I never really got fully back to sleep after that. When I finally got up I had my morning cigarette and my anxiety was raging. For a while I was afraid that my jaw was going to lock and the muscle spasms were going to happen again. I finally made it to work at 12:15 instead of going to my noon meeting so I could get some more hours at work. I spent all afternoon at work helping Michael get some wedding announcements printed and ready. Instead of catching a ride home when my brother picked up my mom at 3:30, I stayed til 6:15 to help Michael get things finished up what needed to be done. I never did get a chance to get ads done for the issue of the paper coming out next week so I brought a bunch of work home since I'm only in the office for a few hours on monday and the ads need to get done.

On the way to the office I stopped at Walgreen's and got some nicotine patches and 2 bags of dum dums. Tomorrow is my first day I've planned to quit smoking. I'm hoping and praying that the patches help and my anxiety will be manageable. It's been such a long day today and I've been very emotional, angry and on edge. I'm very nervous for tomorrow morning since I have my first cigarette within 10-15 min after getting up in the morning. I got some advice online from a few other people on a website for quitting smoking that they are there early so when I wake up I should put my first patch right on and log on to the website to chat so it will keep my hands occupied. I think I'm going to try that and see how things go.

There's going to be a lot of deep breathing tomorrow and praying for help with the withdrawals of quitting. I've been smoking for 8 years and have never tried this before.

I've been trying to be able to afford getting a used ipod touch or something but can't afford it this weekend since I spent some money getting the patches and such. I'm pretty bummed that I still can't afford one right now. If I can stay without smoking at all it will save a bit of money though. My psychiatrists pharmacist said I should set aside the money I would have spent on a pack of cigarettes and once a month or so use it to treat myself to something nice as a reward and something to look forward to. Maybe this will help get a used ipod and pay some bills. I could sure use that and I know I need to quit smoking.

Will see how tomorrow goes. Everyone says it almost always takes a handful of times to quit and my psychiatrist said it won't be as bad as I think it will be. I'm hoping and praying that she is right.