Venting session (For lack of a better title)

What to say... I wasn't really able to sleep in today, which is pretty normal for me since I've been sober for 6 months, not working for a bar and on a normal sleep schedule that started with the strict schedule in UNI. I washed, dried and folded some laundry this morning and also watered all the plants in the garden that I've been working on for about 2 months. Mom said it's my brothers' and my job to do the yard work so I've spent a lot of time weeding and planting and make sure I water all of the plants really well every day. I went to a good meeting this afternoon to help my sobriety and recovery. All in all it has been a productive and basically good day but for some reason I'm in a strange space tonight mentally and emotionally.

I'm not really sure why. For some reason I feel very insecure about myself as well as a little depressed and very lonely. My life today is drastically different than 6 months ago due to quite a few very beneficial changes but I'm finding it hard lately to feel comfortable with myself and things I do. I'm having a hard time finding pleasure in things I do and create. I feel very lonely as my life mostly consists of meetings, work during the week and time at home with my parents since I'm staying with my parents as of a few weeks after I was discharged from UNI.

I don't have much of a social life which I think is exacerbating my loneliness. I find it hard to develop a social life again since I don't go to bars anymore and avoid places where there is alcohol and drugs and my finances are extremely tight so I can't really afford to do much. I feel kind of isolated, I guess.

I still pray every day and continue to slowly do work on my recovery process with a mentor of mine. She is wonderful and I love talking to her. She has helped me quite a lot in my recovery thus far. I just feel stuck right now in my feelings of insecurity, isolation and loneliness and am trying to figure out how to get out of it. I'm edgy tonight.. Emotions swinging easily from lonely, to anger, to emotional and wanting to cry and all over the place.

I'm not accustomed to feeling so much emotion. It's been second nature to me since I was young to shut down and just 'go with the flow' to get through things and as an adult I would do the same while also escaping with the help of drugs and alcohol. Through all that, I was able to develop mentally and intellectually but I don't think I really developed emotionally so I don't know how to handle things. Emotions are all so new to me and difficult to deal with.

I guess I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this. Maybe I just needed to get things out and off my chest. I don't know. I'm trying to keep myself distracted tonight so I don't over-analyze everything like I always do. I'm prone to over-analyzing everything which just gets me trapped in a vicious mental cycle. Hopefully the rest of the night will be smooth and I'm hoping for a much better day tomorrow.

Under construction

So, I'm still learning about setting up the layout and everything since I'm so new to blogging. Bear with me as I play with the look, layout and everything else. I used to be familiar with a bit of coding from setting up a website but I need to re-familiarize myself with all this again.

First blog ever

Wow.. My first blog ever!! I am SO new to this that it's not even funny. I'm usually pretty computer and website savvy, but this is going to take a lot of learning and getting used to. Hopefully I'll start learning and catching on quickly so I can play with the look of my blog as well as get accustomed to blogging.

Keep your fingers crossed for me and hopefully I'll pick it all up quickly!