New pic

It's been kind of uneventful the past few days. Just work, meetings and staying home. I did a new pic which I think turned out ok, though it's a little hard to see what I did in the eyes.

Waiting to see what inspiration comes for another graphic sometime. Hopefully some comes soon and I can get a new graphic done.

New graphic

Finished a first draft of a new graphic tonight. This graphic is somewhat inspired by The Cube which is an imagination game in book form which brings new insight into your life and more. It was quite the rage in Europe in 1991 and I found it to be incredibly insightful.

This is based on an experience of mine but not as accurately as I'm still learning more about graphic design but was pleased with my first attempt at this scene.

New room color

Well, the bedroom is all done and I got a few pics taken. The flash makes it look a little lighter, but the new color in the room has a nice, calming  feel and it makes the plants and pictures pop out more.

Busy day

It's been a busy day and weekend. Yesterday I filled some cracks and holes in the walls in my bedroom. Today I woke up just before 7 and it took a while to get back to sleep. Dad woke me up at 10:30. I wished him Happy Father's Day before he left to run errands. I basically spent from 10:45 until a little after 9 tonight working on my room. I finished filling the cracks, primed and then painted the whole room a light, pale blue instead of the white it was before with an unfinished wall. I'm very happy with the color. It gives the whole room a new and calming feel and it also makes the plants and pictures stand out a lot more.

Once the paint dried I worked on finishing getting the room back together, rearranging a little and hung up all the pictures. I'm pleased with the whole result. I was able to open up more space, got 3 pictures I created and framed hung on the walls and the room feels more personal to me after putting in all the hard work and making it my room. There are still things to do... clear more room in the closet and other little things but I'm glad the room looks better and glad that it's over cuz I'm sore and tired now. lol. That was a ton of work to do between yesterday and especially today, but it paid off so I'm happy.

It's been a few days of lots of anxiety though too and I haven't felt very social. I think that helped motivate me to get my room done to do something to help me feel better. Still have a little anxiety but I'm hoping I sleep well tonight and that tomorrow will be better.

Just another day

Woke up early again this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Ugh! I just got dressed and headed for the bus. On the way to my noon meeting I stopped at Office Depot and got another poster printed of a graphic that I've worked on in the past 2 nights. I think it turned out really well and am very happy with how the color turned out in the print job. Now I just need to find a place to hang the frame I put it in.

I showed it to one of the girls I know before the noon meeting and she commented on how much hope she sees in the picture. I think she's right. Though it's a surreal scene with abstract components, I can see what she was talking about. It seems I've been getting motivation for pictures from my mood at the time. I'm happy with that, I guess. Mood and emotion is a good motivator and inspiration for visual art. Now I just need to see where inspiration will take me for another picture. lol.

Work was pretty smooth today. Tomorrow I'm off work since I have to go to court at 1:30 regarding old, outstanding student loans from massage school that I haven't been able to pay off. I have no clue what's going to happen. All I can do is just be honest about what's going on in my life and my financial situation and put my faith in my Higher Power for things to turn out according to His will and not what I want for myself. That's the hard part for me... getting out of my own head and will and trusting that the outcome will be exactly what it needs to be as long as I am completely honest, and open.

We'll see what happens I guess. Think I might have a quiet night and maybe look for a little inspiration to start another picture.

New photo

It's been a pretty uneventful week since Pride. I've been working at home most of the week on some online stuff. It's a lot of stuff to get done but it's nice to be able to do it from home as well as get some extra hours for work.

I met with my mentor this week and am starting to work on a new writing assignment to help my recovery. Emotionally it's been kind of up and down this past week. I'm still processing things and trying to work on getting through my anxiety which has still been high this week.

I did another photo a few days ago which I'm pretty happy with.

Today I've got a business meeting to go to. Other than that I need to get a bunch of online work done and haven't decided what to do other than that. I woke up early again and have had anxiety so far today so I'm hoping to be able to try to take things easy today and keep my anxiety minimal. I've been praying so far this morning asking for help and relief of my anxiety. It's been a hard thing to learn and tough to keep in mind a lot, but it's nice to be able to ask for help and relief and be sincere about it. Hard to take things one day at a time but that's how I get through things.. One day at a time. Often it's one minute at a time but I keep trying to remember that I need to stay out of my own will and to turn my will over to God.

We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Maybe I'll get some more inspiration for another picture.

Different Pride day

Today has been a very different Pride Day than all the others I've been to. I woke up around 6:30 with a lot of anxiety. I took my morning med and stepped out to smoke before laying back down to sleep. It took about an hour or so to get back to sleep and took a lot of praying for freedom from my anxiety and attempting meditation to do so. I think my body remembers the last 2 Pride weekends. I was constantly drinking heavily and quite high. The night before the festival both times I did not go to sleep due to preparations for the parade and other things. One of those my allergies were so severe I could barely breath the whole event and didn't get to bed til after the bar that night and last Pride I was so ornery and exhausted from building the float and doing bar decorations all night along with being drunk and high to get me through it that I skipped the parade and went home to sleep before going back to the bar in the afternoon and working til 2am.

On facebook I've been seeing countless status updates and pictures of Pride so far. I've had a lot of mixed emotions all day. I went to a meeting this afternoon which was nice to be around people who were entirely sober, though I felt a bit detached through it. My emotions all day have varied from anger, loneliness, depressed to many others. I've felt torn between being envious of those enjoying themselves at the festival and putting my sobriety first & avoiding all the temptations to drink and use.

So.. I've basically been home today watching tv other than the meeting. I got bored, frustrated and needed something to distract myself so I played on photoshop with a picture I took of my eyes & a few others I found online. I ended up with a graphic art picture that I am happy with and generally fits my mood for most of today.

Pride events are still going on and will be all night with the bar & house parties. I think I'll just watch movies at home and try to distract myself from everything so I don't wallow in loneliness and depression and wishing I could party like everyone else without the consequences that would happen if I did. Glad that tomorrow will be coming soon and I hope and pray that starting a new day will lift my spirits.

Pride Weekend

Well, it's Pride weekend. Tomorrow I'll be 7 months clean and sober and it will also be the main Pride Day Festival. I've decided not to attend any of the Pride events this year. Partly because it would be a pain in the ass to get there, I don't want to go by myself and largely because it's still fairly new to my sobriety and there will be a lot of drinking going on as well as a lot of hidden other things I'm assuming. I'd rather not put myself in any temptation this weekend.

Instead, I'm doing some online work for the office and other things. Today got a bunch more online work done as well as planted quite a few new plants with the help of my younger brother. The bulk of the plants are perennials so they should come back next year. The new plants are supposed to fill out pretty well as well as give some height to the garden. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Most of the other plants are doing pretty well so far which I'm happy about. The hard work is paying off.

Tomorrow I'm planning on going to an afternoon meeting and getting some more online work done. Not sure what I'll do other than that. It's a bit weird not going to Pride this year, but I'm content with the decision not to go. I guess I'll find other things to keep me busy and entertained tonight and tomorrow.

Another day in my life

It's felt like such a long day today. I was annoyed and emotional during a meeting at noon which caused a lot of anxiety and raw nerves. I guess due to being stuck in my own head and well. The bulk of the day I've been anxious and emotional. Work was fairly slow in the office but there is a bunch to get done this week so I brought work home with me.

After work I was waiting for my brother to pick me up so I walked over to Sugar House and walked around and was pleasantly surprised to get this view.

Definitely a nice view to have after an emotional morning and afternoon. I still have some anxiety tonight but I feel a little better. Tonight I'll get a bit of work started for the week online.